Friday, February 19, 2010

A Strong Desire





This is one the hardest things that I have ever written about, please bear with me I may bounce all over the place.



I had extremely difficult pregnancies that resulted in two of the most wonderful sons that any mother could wish for and I would do it again in a heartbeat; however, they also left me unable to have anymore children, I had a tubal the day after my youngest son was born because my OB/GYN told me it would not be advisable to get pregnant again. Ever since that day I have had a strong desire to adopt, my husband has had to listen to me describe in detail about all the different programs that were available all the while knowing he didn't share this dream. We had never been in a place financially to adopt until recently, our homestudy was scheduled for this evening but I got cold feet because I didn't think Tom really wanted to do this and then yesterday I left a message for the caseworker to reschedule our appointment. This is a dream and desire that goes beyond me, I firmly believe that God has planted this seed in me and to be perfectly honest I'm scared of all the what ifs, but I know that if it's truly God's will then it will happen, it doesn't mean that it will be easy but it will be right.



As a married couple it's hard to know when to do something that your spouse doesn't really want to, I know in my heart that after the child was home and in our family my husband would be a good father to her. I also know that this desire hasn't left me in nine years and I can't give up on this dream, somewhere in this world my daughter is waiting for me!



7 comments:

Kristin said...

Thanks for sharing your story! We have 3 girls and I am adopted, and I have always wanted to adopt too. We are in the "thinking and praying" stage, just trying to listen for God's voice to see if it's what we're supposed to do too. Good luck in your adventure!!

Mandy said...

Adoption is such a blessing from God!

Ruby Red Slippers said...

Amazing-I feel the same way-as well as does my husband feel like yours-
Before we were able to have children of our own, we belonged to a mentor program, and mentored two boys.And he Loved it-
I was ready to foster or adopt. However-that desire is NOT in my husband. That is something I do grieve, but I feel that I must respect his wishes, as this is a partnership. If it is what God has for our family at some point, I know the door will be open, and my husband will be on board. For now, he is not.
I am praying for a heart change-but waiting on God. I don't want to put more on our marriage that is intended to be-when the time is right, we will be on the same page...
God Bless-I do what you speak of- :)

Angie said...

We also have this struggle. I would love to adopt a whole slew of children that need a loving home, but this is not in my husband's heart at all. I've often talked about fostering and adopting but he has no interest in it. I say, pray for your husband's heart to change and at the same time, pray that God makes this desire bearable until his heart does change.

Maggie said...

I'm stopping by from Kelly's blog. I'm a foster mom - also interested in adoption if it ever presents itself! I love meeting other people with the same passion! We blog about our experiences at

http://the-popps.blogspot.com

April said...

I have 2 girls, both adopted from Guatemala, I started out the same way, God put a strong desire in my heart to adopt, prayed for my husband's heart to be open to it and after 2 weeks of praying, it was, now we have 2 girls that have their daddy wrapped around their finger...We couldn't or wouldn't have life any other way, they are the light of our lives..I just wanted to encourage you to keep praying and ask God to soften your husband's heart, He can and will, I promise...

Sarah said...

WOW, what a great story. Please visit our adoption blog and read some of my first posts, I'll think you'll find our stories very similar. I'll be praying for you and your family!
God's blessings,
Sarah :D