This is one the hardest things that I have ever written about, please bear with me I may bounce all over the place.
I had extremely difficult pregnancies that resulted in two of the most wonderful sons that any mother could wish for and I would do it again in a heartbeat; however, they also left me unable to have anymore children, I had a tubal the day after my youngest son was born because my OB/GYN told me it would not be advisable to get pregnant again. Ever since that day I have had a strong desire to adopt, my husband has had to listen to me describe in detail about all the different programs that were available all the while knowing he didn't share this dream. We had never been in a place financially to adopt until recently, our homestudy was scheduled for this evening but I got cold feet because I didn't think Tom really wanted to do this and then yesterday I left a message for the caseworker to reschedule our appointment. This is a dream and desire that goes beyond me, I firmly believe that God has planted this seed in me and to be perfectly honest I'm scared of all the what ifs, but I know that if it's truly God's will then it will happen, it doesn't mean that it will be easy but it will be right.
As a married couple it's hard to know when to do something that your spouse doesn't really want to, I know in my heart that after the child was home and in our family my husband would be a good father to her. I also know that this desire hasn't left me in nine years and I can't give up on this dream, somewhere in this world my daughter is waiting for me!